Time Flies

How Time flies when you think you have only blinked your eyes. I cant believe it has been this long since I posted any thing. Lazy me. But I am back. I want to post. I have so many thoughts.... I need to put them somewhere. I have filled up my journal and truly am not ready to buy a new one. I have pictures and cards and thoughts all over it , in it on the out side of it. My friend Jane made it for me, from a photo I took. I havent picked up my camera in so long. It is time to start living again.

My daughter is going to the coast Guard. March 8. This will be the first time in my life I dont have children living with me. The first time since I married my husband we will be alone. This is a new road. This is going to be an adventure.

Some things feel like my world is unraveling. Others feel like it is all up in the air. No kids at home... maybe without a job... Alone with a man I adore.... redefining who I am... where I want to go. What I want to do with my life....

Look out world , my adventure is starting and I am so ready for it... haha. I am eady for it to settle down. To calm down and to let me learn to live on my terms. But it never goes softly... it is like the thunderstorm of the century and I am in the middle. If I stand perfectly still will it just surround me and leave me be ? No. And only a fool would think that... but... like I said a fool. I am going to grab life with both hands and begin each day Thanking God I am alive. I am going to hold onto what I want and make it mine. I now have to figure out what that is.

It;s time to grow up. It's time to become the person I was meant to become. So stay tuned... I will be talking more and more. And hopefully they wont be so scattered.

A New Day

Today is the first day of the New Year that I feel a renewed connection with myself. Christmas was wonderful. And then the let down of January came. And then I got a cold. Of Course. My emotions let me have a cold so I could be down and not feel guilty.

But today I feel I have the strength to conquor the world. I will not share why, but it was a reconnection. And my DH is smiling and so am I. Life is good.

I am ready to move forward in my life. I am ready to go into uncharted territories. I have fabric and I am ready. Today is a good day. The only thing I have to do is make sure I do not ask enough of the universe.

Today is January 8. I have surrived another year of my moms passing which was January 7, 27 years ago. And the week was rough. But I think what was more rough was that I am not happy with my self. Although I have started sewing more, I need a second income. And thru the help of my friend, today. I finally got excited about it. I need to get in gear. And I could feel my self pulling back, but that is not what I need to do. I need to jump out in front. I need to push thru and explode.

Thank Goodness one of us is a marketing guru. And she is my inspiration. So stay tuned guys. I am making this my number 1 goal for 2010. To promote myself. I love my quilting. I love the taking of two pieces of fabric and making something productive. So here I go.

I will challenege myself this year. I will promote myself. And I will be successful with help. lol.

Goal # 2 I will start working out more.

So here we go...

2010

Shall we start this all over again ? Yes I think we shall. I have made 15 baby quilts since May-2009. I am learning to quilt on a long arm machine.
I am not sure if I will have a job by June. And this is beginning to weigh on me heavily. But this is January. My month of despair. I am always depressed in the month of January. But I refuse to be this year. I am going to meet it square on and I will come out victirious. I need to be the victor in this battle. I have reason to live. I want to live.
I am going to start working out more often. I plan to sew more and quilt more. I want to start my own long arm quilting business. I have to have a way to make money in the following year. Do what you like and the money will come. I need to make .... what did Jane call it ? Where you put pictures of your dreams on a board and ask the universe for them. The only limitations we have are the ones we put on our sleeves. When I was a child, if I wanted something, I figured out how to get it. Why is it when we become adults, we forget to work on what we really want. Well my first goal is to learn to use the quilting machine. I figure about 80 hours of machine time will start me in the right direction.
I plan to get my camera out more often I have to stop I have a cat who just crawled up into my lap. Life is good.

Smilebox

Ok technology and I have a long way to get to know each other. But I made this. My life has been a little rough in the past few weeks. My husband whom I love deearly had triple bypass surgery. it was a shock and out of the blue. He is doing fine now, but I am feeling the emotional mood swings. When I found Smilebox, I had seen it with my quilt shows. But this is really helping me create something, since I am to afraid to leave him for long. He is doing fine. But my fear of losing him has taken over. And I am afraid to be gone. I go to work in a panic. And I do think that my fears are unfounded which is the way most fears are. This is the 2nd week we have been home. I am trying to learn to breathe again.

Make a Smilebox slideshow

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This is Sophie. The first day we brought her home. She was so little. She was a drawf lopp ear. So she didnt get much bigger. She did get a little chubby. She was so cute.

I have so much to say. I had been void for weeks. Mother's Day is always hard. Turmoil at the house. I need the drama to stop. My soul hurts. I went to a concert with hope of finding answers. It was given by Norma Gentile. And I was not disappointed. http://www.healingchants.com/ Friday night Trina and I went together. And then Saturday , I went to the Reiki part. The relief of saying good by to some, releasing, and then finding the new. Mother's Day was pretty easy. I had dealt with some of the pain. It's been 27 years. And yet it seems like yesterday. We stayed home. My request. We organized and cleaned out. Don bought me White roses. Which are my favorite. My daughter bought me a lens for my camera. I had a good day. We spent time as a family. I started playing with the program on the computer for pictures. Very limited, but it is something.

Then Monday, I had felt uneasy and Tuesday I felt uneasy. and about 3pm that afternoon I found out why. Sophie one of my bunnies had a heart attack and died. It was so quick. No sign of sickness. She just fell over. We tried CPR and no luck. She was gone that quick. I screamed. I cried. She looked so serene. Sophie was white with black spots. Lop eared. Attitude deluxe. I sobbed for hours. I called Tina at work and she even came home. She even held me as I cried. I loved my Sophie. Thank God Don was home when she died. He took her out to bury her. I was sobbing. Cozmo our cat who is black with a little white, followed him. Don laid Sophie under the tree and went to get the shovel. Cozmo laid down beside her. They were buddies. Yes a cat and a rabbit can be friends. Don dug the hole and laid her in it. Cozmo stood up and looked like he was saying good bye. Don covered her up. And when he walked away so did Cozmo. Maybe he knew Don needed a little extra help too. I have cried for her all week. Toby her rabbit husband is confused. But he is doing ok now. It still hurts. But I am gald and thankful that she did not suffer.